Q)As i was going to saint ives i met a man with seven wives and each wife had seven sacks and each sack had seven cats and each cat had seven kits. kits, cats, sacks, and wifes how many are going to saint ives?

1 A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
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2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
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3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?
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4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
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5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
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1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead. That one was easy, right?
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2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
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3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
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4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and tomorrow!
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5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.

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Here is some jokes to make you laugh.

Q)What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A)No-eye-deer

Q)What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A)Still-no-eye-deer

Q)What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and having sex?
A)Still-no-fucking-eye-deer
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There were three men and they all died in a car crash and they all went to hell and the devil appeared and said, "I shall lock all three of you in three separate rooms for one hundred years with what ever you like most on earth".

So the devil goes to the first man, "what do you like most on earth?" and the man replies, "I love getting pissed and drunk I cant get enough of it". So the devil puts him in a room full of billions of bottles of beer and says, "See you in a hundred years!" and locks the door.

Then the devil goes to the second man, "what do you like most on earth?" And the man replies, "I love sex I can't get enough of it!" So the devil locks him in a room and says, "See you in a hundred years!" and locks the door.

Then the devil goes to the third man and says, "What do you like most on earth?" And the man replies, "I love weed I can't get enough of it!" So the devil puts him in a room full of billons of boxes of weed and says, "See you in a hundred years!" and locks the door.

The devil comes back in a hundred years and unlocks the door to the first man, the drunk, and he sees him passed out on the floor with vomit all over him.

Then the devil unlocks the second door, the haemophiliac, and he comes out screaming, "I'm gay! I'm gay!"

Then he opens the third door, the junkie, and he sees him in the exact same spot he put him in with a tear going down his cheek and the man looks up and says, "got a lighter?"
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There was a blonde policewoman who pulled over a blonde driver. The police woman goes up to the window. The driver says, "What was I pulled over for?"
And the policewoman replies, "Umm I dunno speeding or something, licence and registration please" So the blonde driver goes through her handbag and says, 'Umm what's it look like?" and the police woman replies, "It's a square thing with your picture on it" So the blonde driver pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the blonde police driver. The blonde policewoman looks into the mirror and says, "Oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were a police woman"
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A man walked into a pub. He had a huge body and a little head. He goes up to the bar tender and The barthender says " why do you have such a big body but a little head?" And the man replies, "Well its a long story"

"I was walking through the forest when i came across a frog i kissed it for some reason and it magically turned into a hot pixie. She said "i shall grant you three wishes" And i said ok"
"I said I wished for a big body and she said " it will be done"
"then i said i wanted to have hot sex with her and she said "it will be done"
"then i asked.. how aout a little head?"
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A child walks into his parents bedroom when his mum is giving his dad a blowjob. Then the boy asks " what are you doing to daddy mummy?" She replies "im just blowing the fat out of daddys stomach to make him lose weight" The boy replies " Thants no use mummy because mrs anderson next door comes around and blows him back up"
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There are three women one is a brunette ones a redhead and ones a blonde, and there all running from the police. Then they see three barrels, one labelled 'dogs' one lablled 'cats' and the other one labelled 'potatoes'. the brunette jumps into the barrel of 'dogs' the redhead jumps into the cats and the blonde jumps in with the potatoes . the police open the dogs barrel and the brunette goes 'woof woof" And the police go "nothin but dogs in this one" they go up to the second one and the redhead goes "meow moew" the police reply, " nothin but cats in here" Then they open the third one labbelled 'potatoes and the blonde goes "potatoes potatoes"
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Three years later those three people died and they all went to hell. The devil appears and say " jump off this cliff and wish for what desires you the most and it will come true. So the first woman (the brunette) jumps off and says "diamonds!!" and she lands in diamonds and kills herself. The redhead jumps off and says "rubys!" and she lands in rubys and kills herself. "the blonde goes to jump off and she slips and says "SHIT!!" and she lands in shit and survives!
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Q) How do you confuse a blonde?
A) put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

Updated: 12/19/08 9:44 PM 0 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!